The list that saved my marriage

The list that saved my marriage

Soulpost recommends this article to all those who think that their relationship problems can be solved only by separation or divorce.

"This day came. I was married for as long as I could. And when my husband, Bill, went to work, I packed up my suitcase and our 14-month-old son and left home. It has only been a year since we got married and lived in the same city as my parents. Of course, the opportunity to escape to them and simplified my decision to leave Bill.

With a tear-stained and angry face, I went to my mom in the kitchen. He held the child while I was crying out to her my declaration of independence. After washing my face and drinking a cup of coffee, my mother said that they would help me with my father. They were there to help me and it was a great consolation.

“But before you leave Bill,” said Mom. “I want you to complete one task.”

Mom laid down my sleeping son, took a pen and a piece of paper, and drew a vertical line in the middle. She said that in the left column I wrote everything that makes life with Bill impossible.I thought that in the right column it was necessary to write all its positive features. And I have already come up with a long list of all his bad qualities for the left column. It seemed easy, and I immediately began to fill out the sheet.

Bill never removes his clothes from the floor. He never tells me when he is going to leave. He has nasty and annoying habits - for example, blow his nose or belch at the table. He never gives me presents. He refuses to fold his clothes. He is always tight with money. He does not help me with the housework. He does not talk to me.

The list went on and on until I filled the whole page. I had more than enough evidence that no woman could live with such a man. And I said smugly: “Now, as I understand it, in the right-hand column you will ask me to write all the good qualities of Bill?”.

“No,” said Mom. - I already know all the good qualities of Bill. You write in front of each item from the left column, what do you do in response to such his behavior. How do you react to this? ”

And it was even harder. I thought about those few good qualities of Bill that I can write. But thinking about yourself was harder.I knew that Mom would not back down until I finished the task. And I started writing. I'm offended, scream, angry. I hesitate to be with him. I behave like a martyr. I would like to marry someone else. I play with him in silence. I feel too good for him. The list seemed endless.

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When I reached the middle of the page, my mother took a piece of paper and went to the dresser. She took the scissors and cut it along the vertical line. She took the left side and threw it away, and she handed me the right one with a list of my behavior.

“Take this list home,” she said. “Spend the day thinking about these moments.” Let the baby stay for a long time with me. If you do what I ask and still want to get away from Bill, Dad and I will do everything to help you. ”

Leaving things and a son, I went home. When I sat on the couch with this piece of paper, I could not believe what I was facing. Without a response list of annoying Bill habits, this list looked terrible.

I saw a list of petty behavior, shameful actions, and destructive reactions. I spent the next few hours trying to forgive myself. I asked for the strength, guidance, and wisdom for change that I had to make.I continued to pray and realized how ridiculous I was. I could barely remember the sins I had attributed to Bill. How absurd was I? There was nothing immoral or horrible in that list. I am blessed with a good man - not perfect, but good.

I returned 5 years ago. I swore an oath to Bill. To love and respect him in sickness and in health. To be with him in grief and joy. I spoke these words in the presence of my family and friends. And this morning I was ready to leave him because of trivial troubles.

I got back into the car and drove to my parents. I was amazed how differently I felt, unlike my morning trip to my mother. Now I felt peace, relief and gratitude.

When I took my son, I was alarmed at how much I wanted to make such a dramatic and serious change in my life. My pettiness almost cost my son the opportunity to spend time with a wonderful father. I thanked my mom and hurried back home. By the time Bill came home from work, I had already unpacked my suitcase and waited.

I would like to say that Bill has changed. But no. He still does things that annoy me and make me mad.
[reclam]
But the changes have taken place in me. Since then, I have become responsible not only for my actions in marriage, but also for my reaction to his behavior.

Many times I had to rewrite the list of my response behavior. I kept asking for forgiveness for my pitiful reactions.

15 years later, at the age of 49, Bill was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. He had to quit his job as a teacher, and I had to support my family, which led to uneasy days and nights. My sons and me were inspired to watch him fight to keep his abilities just to live like everyone else. We have to rely on love for each other, especially when someone gets out of control. Emotions were different: from anger to sadness. We asked ourselves: "Why?". We maintained peace beyond all understanding.

Unfortunately, I often lacked patience, even though I knew that Bill could not do anything about what annoyed me so much. I understood my responsibility to respond with love.

Many times I was grateful to my mother, who was my spiritual mentor. Maybe she wanted to, but she never imposed her opinion on me.She showed me how to find the truth that saved my most valuable possession — my relationship. If I hadn’t learned how to react like a wife to Bill’s little problems, I wouldn’t be able to respond to his big problem now.

One day my son came home and asked: “Mom, what will we do when dad does not remember us?” I replied: “We will remind him. Recall that he is a father and husband. We remind him for what he taught us and how he loved us. ”

When my son left, I grinned. I thought about all that I remember about this man who loved his family. Many of these memories are all the same annoying habits that were on that list of bad qualities many years ago. ”

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  • The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage

    The list that saved my marriage