I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

I didn't even kiss him until the wedding day.
I grew up in a Christian family, because my virginity was considered literally sacred.It was my most valuable possession, and losing it before the wedding was considered the most shameful and shameful thing that could happen to me.

And I took it all very close to my heart. It is hard to understand if you did not grow up in a religious family. And I waited until the wedding, otherwise I would regret it until the end of life. My parents lived together for several years before their wedding, but I did not consider them hypocrites, but I believed that they just wanted me not to repeat their mistakes. After all, now they, too, were other people.

In response to numerous warnings about sex before marriage from my church, parents, and everyone else, I went to extremes. I met only a few college guys and decided not to even kiss my boyfriend until the wedding day.

We met for almost a year before the engagement, and then another 5 months before the wedding.The fact that my husband and I first kissed only at the altar for the first time caused a lot of incredulous sighs. “How can you know that you are sexually compatible, if you haven't even kissed him?” They asked me.“Shouldn't you know that before you say yes?”

To be honest, I never worried about marrying someone I would be sexually incompatible with. Becauseall assured me that sex in marriage would be wonderful.I sometimes doubted my decision not to kiss, but my boyfriend agreed with this, although it was not easy for us, because I decided that there would be no problem.

Now I laugh at my naivety.

I innocently thought that this is our mutual desire to remain chaste with interest will pay off with hot passionate sex after the wedding.I thought so, because no one told me another.

Neither I nor he had sexual experience, we had no conversations with other married couples, and I did not even have a normal sex education in school. Despite my frequent questions about what to expect on their wedding night, my friends, family, and even the doctors said, "Do not worry, somehow figure it out."

But we did not understand, everything went wrong, as we had planned.

Shortly after returning from my honeymoon (and a week of tears, pain and frustration), I was diagnosed with vaginismus. I had involuntary contractions of the pelvic muscles that made any vaginal penetration painful and virtually impossible.

Next was the darkest streak of my life.

After talking with the doctors, I began to realize that decades of storing chastity on a subconscious level convinced me that sex is bad, something that should be avoided and which should not be thought of.And when it became “possible,” my body did not know what to do, because it had spent so many years, forbidding myself to get excited and think about it. Vaginismus may indeed be caused by too harsh and inadequate sex education.

I got depressed. I felt my failure as a woman and as a wife. My friends could no longer help me. And what can you say to a person who has waited all his life to experience such a simple human need, and now physically cannot? It's hard to find words for such a difficult situation.

I was looking for time and money for daily trainings and weekly consultations, but I was constantly angry with everyone around me: my husband, my family, my friends, and even God.

I could not bear this injustice. I made so much effort to save myself for my husband, and what I received as a reward was stress and anxiety.

Unfortunately, I'm not the only one.This is the problem of many girls brought up in strict families, and not only Christian. And I personally do not see the problem in the church. I see a problem in sexual education, in how children and adolescents are presented with sex. As well as it is not necessary to completely ignore this, it is not necessary to talk about it as about something shameful and bad. Just that he should be with the right person, in the right place and the right time, and what can be awkward, and how it happens, and what you need to be ready for.

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  • I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband

    I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband I kept my chastity before the wedding and now I can’t have sex with my husband